Frustrated Thoughts

I’m unsure of how I how I’ll handle this.
And I just can’t figure out why time isn’t my friend…
The sun goes up and smiles but the moon makes my nights long with its mocking laughs.
And I just can’t figure out why time isn’t my friend…
I’m happy now,
But I can’t figure out why time isn’t my friend…


Appliances Are Monsters


I like it when appliances break.
It scares me that with a “lifetime warranty” an appliance can outlive me. I have dreams and goals but I have so little time to fulfill them. That pile of metal over there needs only to perform trivial tasks on a day-to-day basis and yet we are allotted the same time span?
Remind me who makes these rules again.
I’m going to defy you Father Time. One of these days I’ll catch fire and rebel. Prepare yourself.
I find myself glaring at the oven. I know it isn’t alive but in my frustration I feel that it teases me. As I run past it periodically throughout the day trying to make it to my next errand that oven gloats,”We’re on the same timetable, don’t forget.”
I microwave most of my food now.
Microwaves seem like a more mild appliance. Like a drunk uncle that randomly writes you big checks. Sorry, tangent.
Anyway, the whole world is bursting with opportunity but I have only two hands to grasp ahold of what I want. I have small hands too. Gosh. Amid my clock ranting, my small hands and my frustration (coupled with that oven teasing me) I’m reminded that I have barely any time. As another day slips through my fingers I sit and wonder if I spent my time wisely. I search my brain for answers but I look at my watch because deep thinking cuts at my time. That appliance just
sits there and enjoys its life. It works only when it is forced to and it is rewarded with rest for the remaining 23.5 hours of the day. It never worries, it never has conflicting commitments. I envy that villain.
I deserve more time. “Lifetime warranty” is a terrible idea.
It all works out though because every time I need a new toaster I feel as though I laugh at the life of cheap appliances, for those things cannot be alive the day I am not. Those tiny monster machines with no real agenda finally have to admit that I deserve more time than them. As I throw the fried toaster away I see that I’m winning. I pull the trash can across the kitchen floor. I want the oven to witness this.
Every victory is sweet.
I’ll make the most of my time. I might use some of that time to sabotage my oven though.

You Never Asked, But Here Is The Script To “Us”

Forgive me if the following is a bit disheveled. I just want you to know how I feel.

You inspired some of my greatest work, there is no doubt that you were my muse. It was you who breathed the melody I tried to write words to in hopes of a perfect song. I have noticed though, that you are not worth my words. You never were. It is sad, I see now that those words were wasted. They were wasted on a little boy who could not see two feet in front of himself. As I noticed this, I began to hang the blame on myself. This started by looking in the mirror and forgetting who I was. I questioned my traits, characteristics and looks. This is a side effect that no one should cause. From this I can see that you were a total waste. You became my first lost cause today. You played with my heart and the worst part is, I don’t think you even cared. You sat in your grey world and this burst of sunlight went unseen. Your eyes were fixed and your head unturned. What a waste, these lovely words were spent to buy empty love. How could you see the rain and yet still turn to the fire? Being caught up in you was like running on a cliff. I enjoyed the view and thought that maybe you could be my partner, but then the edge came and you were the one pushing me. You are an unfilled canteen, nothing but a thirst that will go unquenched. I lied to myself for too long because I chose to see the good in you, the good that wasn’t there. As I write this I shed a tear and I remember those daydreams. I remember thinking that you were going to be mine and that someday I would tell you everything.
Now you whistle and I do not hum along. How far we have come. Please just look the other way and let me sit here. Perhaps this silence will be good for me and maybe it will open your eyes. But I have to let go and I have to embrace silence. My heart is too fragile for this and my lips are tired of saying your name.